Fukn Pussy US Car Makers

Alright so I know this was on CNN a couple of years ago but I just recently ran across it again and had to vent for a minute. So lets talk about the US auto makers for a minute........ I bet you think I am going to talk about the "bail out" don't you. Wrong.... I am going to talk about the fact that in South Africa they have come up with a wonderful security system to help prevent further auto thief. Now mind you this is one of the highest theft and car jacking places on the planet....... but the auto manufacturers over there have taken to upping there options installed security systems.

So lets start with a solution that people seems to deter thief's here in the US. Its called "The Club". You can pick up one of these party favors on www.theclub.com or most likely at your local walmart in the bargain bin. This invention worked great for the first 10 minutes it was on the market. OK we will give it 15 minutes (you know 15 minutes of fame....wow its getting late). What kinda of degenerate actually thinks that installing a handlebar on their steering wheel will stop some other degenerate from steeling their car. I mean seriously a pair of bolt cutters or a hacksaw and in 2 minutes the thief is back to steeling the car like it was never there. According to their website LA has the highest theft rate at 73,922 cars stolen in 2007. Seeing is when I was in Cali I used to see these things on cars all the time, I would say that probably 50% of the cars stolen at a minimum has this piece of shit attached to the steering wheel. Here is another thought for Chrysler to raise there revenue numbers, if there are still enough dyslexics out there buying these things out there maybe you should add this as a factory option. False security is better than no Security........



So now lets take a look at one of the factory install options that you can get in South Africa. I have included a video CNN posted with a demo of how it works. Mind you their theft rate is one of the highest in the world. Shit they had 280k assaults in 2004 if that gives you an idea how relentless these guys are. So this video includes a factory install option. My question is how dose it sound when you walk into the dealership. I bet the convo would go something like this: "Hey there Mr.Cellphish what would you like us to add to your car today.....perhaps a spoiler?", I thought about the spoiler but I think I will stick to the mud flaps, scotgaurded seats, the wood grain package, the Flamethrower Package, and the upgraded alloy wheels. "I'm sorry did you say Flamethrower Package over the spoiler?" If someone wants to steel my car I will help get sending them to internal damn nation from the spot of the crime.


I am thinking that this may be just what we need in LA to prevent thieves from steel H2's from Hollywood's up an comers. Let me know what you think.

Things you need to be kewl from a guy who dosn't give a shit what you think

So I have recently seen a news story about the must have items people bought for Christmas this year. I am sorry but this is a list compiled of bs items that neither make our life's better or increase our status to anyone but ourselves. I will admit that I found that I own some of the shit on this list and am re-evaluating some of the spending choices I have made in my life.

Lets start with the Nintendo Wii gaming system. This family fun entertainment system is a lawsuit waiting to happen. I'm sorry but if you can get past the shitty gaming titles like "Cooking Moma" and the idea of looking like you are having an epileptic seizure while you are trying to participate in "Olympic Games" then you have less self respect than even I do. I will admit that I have owned a Wii and have felt like I must ride a shorter than normal bus to work every day while licking a piece of glass (think they call it a window). I guess my biggest gripe about this system is the amount of people getting hurt. This is a "family friendly" system and yet there is a website www.wiiinjury.com where you can post pictures of family and friends getting there asses kicked by you while playing Wii Tennis. A couple months after the Wii came out Nintendo sent wrist straps to there registered users in order to prevent and further injuries or damage tv systems. Maybe when you see that fun little picture keeps telling you to put your wrist strap on before you play there should be a picture of a full face helmet, wrist guards, elbow and knee pads. Just a thought Nintendo but maybe you could figure this shit out and at least send out some safety glasses.

Next Big Ticket Item this year: Elmo Live



Didn't this little bundle of joy fall short or Tickle Me Elmo. If you want my opinion and I am sure you do or your wouldn't be reading this; what they fuck are you idiots thinking. Yeah this was so much the next big item that Amazon.com had this baby on sale before it hit the shelf's. Fisher Price thought they figure this all out after the first time and made so many that they are still looking for a big enough junk yard to bury these next to the "electric car" and E.T. for Atari. So Elmo sits, stands, crosses his legs all while telling jokes. Would be way kewler if he patted his head and rubbed his belly at the same time. This sounds like as much fun as a hello Kitty Vibrator with dead batteries.
(There you go ladies I thought you might wanna flashback picture)

Last but not least the Kindle EBook reader:

This piece of shit was endorsed by Opera. I'm sorry but if you are to lazy to turn the pages on your favorite Harry Potter book than you need to rent the fucking movies. I wont endorse something like this until it comes in full color and I can sit down with a box of tissues and scroll through the pages of classic Penthouse issues. There are all sorts of accessories for this thing like pink cases, extra memory cards, reading lights (you mean this piece of shit doesn't have a backlight), and screen protectors. Make this thing color and load up some adult entertainment and you will sell the shit out of the screen covers and you can add cleaning rags to the mix of accessories. Might want to make some sort of waterproof case (think this would be a big seller too). Think Opera would endorse it if she knew what the upgrades were added for.



There it is, the top 3 suggested item for Christmas 08. Just a bunch or more random useless shit that we will all be talked into buying at some point. I just hope I can hold out for the Kindle until the new color version comes out.