How I know your dog is gay

So I go to visit a friend recently who didn't believe that his dog was gay. I told him to look for the signs and he didn't believe me. Now this may be because this friend is about the most anti gay person there is (his opinion not mine, please no hate mail I feel that every one is entitled to there own opinion).

So is starts the second you walk into the house. If you are a male (which the dog is) the dog begins drooling uncontrollable on top of the stairs waiting for you to come up and touch it. If you don't touch it right away it will follow you around until you do. It makes you a little uncomfortable some times as it will continue to push up and rub on your leg until you pat his head (typical guy really). Once you rub is head the next thing he dose is roll over and try and get you to his underside. I know what your thinking, every dog wants there belly rubbed (when I said underside i meant this dog could care less about getting his belly rubbed , he scoots on his back trying to get your hand close to his "underside").

Once the handshakes are out of the way this dog will proceed to try and sniff your "junk". These may be normal mating rituals for a dog, but I don't know about you but I expect someone to buy me a drink before they attempt to lick the ice cream from the cone (still trying to keep these posts as family friendly as possible, may have gone a little far there (parents insert edit here)). But honestly what happened to foreplay.

I will shoe this dog off and kick him away for 20 minutes before he finally gives up on the hunt. I will proceed to grab a perfectly chilled hops beverage from the fridge, kick off my shoes and nestle my lazy ass onto the couch when BAM..........what the F*ck was that. This little stud has 2 paws wrapped around my leg ridding my shin like Julia Roberts on Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Biggest disappointment is the lack of strawberries and chocolate sauce.

My friend must see there terror in my eyes as Butches (Butch is the the dog, maybe should be changed to another 5 letter word that starts with B) inny becomes an outty. This isn't like the sight of corkscrew (we have all seen pigs and don't lie you know you laughed even if it was terrifying and discusting). My fear honestly isn't that this dog is "hugging" my leg, it that I don't wanna do laundry if he cant keep himself under control. So my friend grabs Butch by the collier and has his feminine but out the door.

Even though Butch is a male he still acts like a bitch. Sits outside that door crying and begging for another go at it. It is amazing to me that this dog has fetish for my leg. The next time I was there he gave the same treatment to another one of my friends (is it mean that I didn't warn him when the dog started sniffing his junk :).

So here is my list for all of you dog owners our there to tell if your dog is gay:

*If you dog has no interest in humping dogs of the opposite sex
*If your dog has a fetish for shoes for any reason
*If your dog likes to sit on the laps of males and not with females
*If your dog prefers sniffing male dogs butts to "shake hands"
*If your male dog likes to wear a bandanna

I'm sure there are a lot of other examples out there. It is getting late and severity of this issues is starting to loose its clout.

I will leave you with this.........who cares if your dog is gay. Just make sure that when your friends are over that you keep it from violating there personal space. Oh and get them a purple bandanna as this could be a good fare warning for strangers to know to run like hell when they start nosing them in there junk.